[august 7, 2005]

.

not too much happening.

i was struck amused by something today. someone said that i seemed like a really active and busy person what with all the stuff i was doing and i realised. i am!

for example today, i went and took a class at my favourite studio with my favourite teacher and only one other girl showed up so we worked on some really crazy stuff that ‘she wouldn’t teach to beginners’ like our psoas muscle. it was damm fun let me tell you and I am worked out in a couple of places that really needed it.

so, i went for lunch with a classmate and then sped home for a showing [used to superintendent an apartment building] and then did some tony hawk [actually elissa steamer] playing and then off i went to the climbing gym and did some bouldering which i was TOO tired for AND then found someone who looked like they wanted to do routes and did some routes [and incidentally got a few moves higher in the 5.8 that i hate {read that kicks my ass}(wow nice run on sentence)] and then some more elissa and THEN dinner with my friend PM and ice cream and MORE elissa.

did i mention i was fully addicted to tony hawk pro skater? cause yeah.

i suppose that makes sense since i snowboard, want to learn to surf, dated a couple of skateboarders, am a supremely amateur skateboarder, snake board, love fast race games and ski that yeah, i would like this game.

i suppose it also makes sense that people consider me an active person. I still picture myself as that slothful mess on the couch with the 8 joints a day and the 60 hour a week television habit. Not to mention the junk food cupboard. i mean sure my back was so fucked i had to crawl up the stairs to the bathroom but still. so now my back is fixed so i do more so i eat better because my body WANTS to eat better and i use less painkillers AND then i get more energy and i do more.

i think i’m a bit nuts.

i’m headed for a crash, i need a couple of days to just veg but i tend to steal them when i should be working on the building. the building is looking a lot better which helps but nonetheless i am burning a candle at both ends while it sits under a broiler. this is the usual pace of my life it’s true, and i did have 60 hours a week to fill so i guess that makes sense but sometimes i wonder when the mellow time is.

i’d sort of forgotten just how much shit i actually do. after the accident my schedule went like this:
monday – pilates 3pm
wednesday – therapeutic not nice massage 1pm
thursday – pilates 2:15pm
saturday or sunday – splash at pool with friend
insert ‘watch tv here’ into empty spaces.

and i’m telling you that was ALL i could bear. I was so fucked it wasn’t funny.

i read once that it’s not the things that happen to us that affect us it’s our reaction to them. and i fully believe that to be true. had i realised that i was injured and thus been proactive in seeking healing i would have been better three times faster. i might not have spent years getting to this place. that said, i wouldn’t have nearly the grounding in pilates that i do because of it.

learning to breathe and raise your arms and point your toes and walk? this is hard shit and deep and it makes the big movements, the healthy body work, just so obvious and easy. they ask me (my clients) how i can see that they are using different muscles or not doing quite the right thing and the answer is that i’ve been every one of them.