i teach a lot of women (a lot of men too, in fact my numbers are about fifty fifty which is very rare in this business and comes, i believe, from my extensive sports background; i speak jock rather than dancer) who hate themselves. in fact i have very few female clients who can look in a mirror and be happy with what they see.
for me this is totally baffling because i have never actually met an ugly woman. i’ve met women who were ugly on the inside but very few who were ugly on the outside and in the case of my clients i’ve never actually seen one who wasn’t deeply attractive in her own way.
sure some of them aren’t as thin as they would like or (and much more important) as fit as they would like but each and every one of them has her heart shining out of her face. i am blessed that my lady clients are all lovely on the inside and thus a true pleasure to work with. i just wish i could make them see themselves as i (and i believe the rest of the world) see them.
it’s so hard to watch or hear these lovely women as they slouch around or bemoan their bellies/butts/boobs/whatever and refuse to see any of the beauty they carry with them every day. i know that the media has fed us an airbrushed and photoshopped ideal but i also know that much of this comes from someplace even deeper than that.
somehow women seem designed to hate their physical appearance. i wonder when this became true. is it really as simple as blaming the media? or an education system that doesn’t teach any kind of coping skills but does drill the periodic table into your head?
i don’t believe that men have done this to us. time and again i watch men appreciate women who aren’t the “current beauty standard” (heck i had one guy tell me that he wanted to fatten me up because i was too skinny – pretty funny in my body to hear that – at the time i weighed 180lbs and my bmi was just under 26 or in the “overweight range” for my height – he would most assuredly not like my bmi 22.5 body i currently carry with me.) time and again i hear from men that often their woman is at her sexiest in the morning sans makeup and wearing sweats.
it’s not men who have done this to us, it’s women.
women edit fashion magazines, women hold themselves up to a physically impossible standard, women look at other women and call them names for being prettier or less pretty than they are. fatness is the only thing we’re still allowed to joke about and it’s done to an extreme and nearly always toward women. personally whenever i see a woman rocking her own personal style i’m utterly delighted, it makes me so happy to see a woman owning her look and her self.
in fact i often search for a compliment just because i want to express my delight at their own grooviness. at their owning of what their momma gave them and their refusal to dress to some typical standard or expected look. i don’t care if you’re a goth or a business type, i care that you look comfortable in your own skin and are making an effort to be well groomed and to make a little bit of a “here i am!” statement.
i really believe that lack of personal care is a sign of low self esteem. perhaps that’s personal experience speaking but i see it again and again. the less care you take with your appearance the more down on it you seem to be. again i don’t mean “thin ness” or whatever, i mean literal messiness. badly kept hair or the like. i don’t mean personal grooming choices like not shaving your legs either but i do mean rumpled or lint laden clothing or showing up on a date/meeting in flip flops and an ill fitting pair of shorts and a t shirt.
i’m sure that for every example i can come up with someone knows a person who is the counter to the argument and, as always, there are exceptions to everything. that said, leaving the house looking like a slovenly mess seems to nearly always translate to lack of self love. (i do NOT mean someone all gothed out or whatever, that’s a look that can be rocked or not as the wearer chooses.)
i just wish these women could see themselves as i see them. could see the beauty in their eyes and in the curve of their cheeks. could believe that their ample ass is balanced by their ample chest. could see the line of their collarbone or the sensuality of their own movement. could learn to like themselves and then love themselves. could learn to ignore the nasty little voice that points out their flaws whenever they look in the mirror. could understand that their own voice is the loudest they will ever hear and that they should be exceedingly careful how they talk to themselves.
could enjoy themselves for being themselves…
as mr. lennon said about a much more enormous topic “imagine … it’s easy if you try…”