Category Archives: self esteem

self-esteem

i wrote this a long time ago but hey, it’s still true:

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self-esteem

one day on twitter i mentioned that maybe i should write down my rules for self esteem and someone asked me to actually do it.  so in honour of new beginnings here goes.

first and most simple; the mirror.

i am allowed to look in the mirror only as long as i am adjusting my hair, clothing or makeup.  as SOON as i am finished this and my nasty little laser pointer eye starts to go “oh my gawd your saddle bags are huge, look at that damn jiggly fat all over your thighs don’t you wish you could just cut it..” i walk away.

seriously, i walk away from the mirror as soon as i stop being nice to myself.

there is a step two to this one.  once you learn to do that?  start to reprogram the nasty little voice like so: “wow look at my collarbones, those are sure nice” or “look at those marvelous legs that carried me all over mountains and streams without complaint” and THEN walk away.

see what you did there?

you talked to yourself the way you talk to your best friend.  the same best friend you would bitch out with great amounts of sass for talking about herself that way.

there would be a lecture.  seriously people, why are you tearing yourselves down?

which brings me to the rest of it.  stop running yourselves down okay?  you have the loudest voice you hear, no one has more power over your self worth than you do and if you keep telling yourself that you’re worthless?

you will be.

find something to like about yourself and focus on that instead.

did you know that women have a really hard time declaring themselves good at anything?  like “i am a really good movement specialist” is really hard to say even though it’s true.  i really *am* good at my job.

it helps here if you can try to remember that about the same amount of good shit and bad shit happens every day and that you may as well choose to notice the good bits.  it further helps to remember that sometimes the bad shit has the most positive long term results.

finally?  i’m only allowed out of the house in my sweats if i feel *gorgeous* otherwise i have to wear things that make me feel attractive.

now the hard part; food.

if you don’t like your body and you don’t have any particular illness or injury preventing this?  change it.

be realistic, if you are wearing any size under 14 or have a bmi (i know bmi is a crock but it’s a good starting place) between 20-25 and you can’t say anything nice about your body you may just have some body dysmorphia going on.

that means you need to learn to see what’s there instead of what you think is there…

PLEASE remember that skinny does not equal healthy or hot, curvy is healthy and hot too, just look at beauty standards across cultures and times.  be the right weight and fitness level for your body type and chosen life rather than some magazine cover.  remember, it’s better to be chubby and fit than skinny and unfit.

still i suggest a healthy diet and exercise and a few simple rules.

here are mine:

don’t waste your calories on food you don’t want

or as my mother would say:

i can throw out a little food every day or they can throw out twenty five extra pounds in the bag when i’m dead

or as my client says:

only eat dessert that is a ten out of ten, otherwise?  leave it on the plate.

or as mr. pollin says

eat food (not food product), not a lot, mostly plants.

and that’s it.  watch what you put in your mouth, read labels and get some damn exercise.  cardio and weightlifting (rock climbing and pilates are excellent substitutes for weightlifting) and things you enjoy that get your heart beating.

you’ll feel better for doing it because exercise releases endorphins and eating well gives your body the nutrients required to help maintain the chemical balances that govern moods and physical well being.

and guess what?

if you FEEL healthy and you’re eating well and you’re getting more sleep you will feel better inside too, even in the nasty little voice place.  you will stand straighter and have more confidence when you move and you’ll feel good about yourself for doing something good for yourself.

and then with some smart use of the mirror and some talking nicely to yourself and telling the nasty voice “thank you” but you don’t need it anymore?  with the not beating yourself up all the time?

over time you will in fact grow some SELF ESTEEM!

i know, miracle right?

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give it six months, if you don’t feel a little better?  get professional help; life is too short not to like yourself.

self love

i teach a lot of women (a lot of men too, in fact my numbers are about fifty fifty which is very rare in this business and comes, i believe, from my extensive sports background; i speak jock rather than dancer) who hate themselves. in fact i have very few female clients who can look in a mirror and be happy with what they see.

for me this is totally baffling because i have never actually met an ugly woman. i’ve met women who were ugly on the inside but very few who were ugly on the outside and in the case of my clients i’ve never actually seen one who wasn’t deeply attractive in her own way…. Continue Reading